


A Feeling

by Winter Morning (OneAutumnAfternoon)



Series: And with a grain of salt. [3]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Canon - Anime, Character Study, Gen, Not Canon Compliant, feat. sprinkles of Haruka and Syo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 03:17:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13604406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneAutumnAfternoon/pseuds/Winter%20Morning
Summary: There was a time where people spoke static.When his heart felt splintered at the edges, where his skin had an itch he didn't understand.Sometimes then, the world faded away with a lullaby of his childhood; those unfinished afternoons waking up with an alarm bell ringing in his ears.He wants it all back.





	A Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Wherein Natsuki isn’t as much of an airhead as everyone think he is.

His childhood had always been a place of comfort, warm but hazy melodies springing to mind. A place that felt far away in his memories, but so, so close and dear when he read the notes written on a score. Natsuki especially liked the way Haruka made them dance.

He also liked _their_ music a lot. The mysterious person that sometimes gave him a new pen, but took his glasses and left smudges on the lenses. Who left him writing lyrics to a bittersweet melody. Songs that felt lonely for how lovely they were; somebody who left him in awe song after song, and kept him waiting.

Natsuki does not wait, instead, he reaches out. He reaches out from deep in him, letting the sea of stars inside his heart guide him. Each line down with a spark, every verse personal. He wasn't writing to a stranger, nor to the longing inside his heart or serenading someone in his future.

_'For you'  
_

It’s not a promise of love that Natsuki writes, but a letter to his mystery companion who doesn’t say a hello or wait for a goodbye. A person who supports Natsuki so fervently that he's left feeling all shades of nostalgic and bittersweet.

There was a time where he was jealous of them.

He remembers picking up a pen and writing across the lined sheets without a care in the world. He remembers writing abstract shapes and sounds and feelings and thoughts in the paper.

He couldn't do that as he used to because back then it hurt. It hurt to sit down and pluck out a piece of his heart on paper. Thunder boomed inside his head while from his heart burst a downpour and Natsuki was left disoriented, with a headache and _scared_. He didn't compose, instead, he opted to sing, learned to use words instead of notes for what he felt.

Instead he found short melody after draft after lullaby stacked on his desk when he woke up. Instead, Syo gave him scores looking like he ran a marathon to meet with mystery person every other afternoon.

Mystery person loved to compose. Natsuki has a folder with all their works, some that don’t have lyrics because they aren’t meant to. The ones that do don’t stop at one song—just like an album. Mystery person writes a song back to his lyrics and the jealousy only lasted as far as Natsuki figured out they could talk this way and they _understood_.

He still doesn't compose often, not because he's scared, but because it doesn't feel right any longer.

Sometimes he still wakes up, waiting for the fog to settle and find himself standing, staring down at his desk with pen in hand. That doesn't happen anymore, the days where he could find inspiration in mystery person are over and he has to motivate himself on his own now.

It's not terribly difficult, with his friends at his side and rival groups at every corner, but rain clouds still pass by his head. He finds comfort in heavy instruments now, and a voice much like his own (because it is, but it was also _his_ ). He still likes classical music, but this new type of genre brings him a little bit of nostalgia.

He doesn't talk to Haruka about it, but she's still as accurate as ever understanding him. It takes Syo to make him sit down one afternoon, a pair of headphones and listening to a medley of all his songs to notice. His songs never changed.

There are times where he zones out, still. The headaches are no longer there though, and as much as he's glad not to become used to medication... He would be willing to bear with them if it meant having his friend back.

It's lonely to be 'I' when you are used to thinking 'us'.

**Author's Note:**

> Good night, Satsuki.


End file.
